The Top Places to Get Attacked by Birds

The Top Places to Get Attacked by Birds

The Top Places to Get Attacked by Birds
7. Mountain tops.
6. The park at 3am.
5. Hang gliding.
4. Anywhere with French fries.
3. On a riverboat casino.
2. The Minnesota cracker factory.
1. The bus station.

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Transfer at JFK

Transfer at JFK

During my transfer at JFK en route to Terre Haute, I am reminded of the famous adage, “All roads pass through Rome.” But as I search the food court for a suitable place to dine, I am also reminded that Romans vomited during meals and routinely suffered from syphilis (for which there was no cure).

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The Top Terms of Endearment

The Top Terms of Endearment

The Top Terms of Endearment:
7. Wiggly
6. Crouton
5. Sweet Potato
4. Dysentery
3. Sugar Baby Pie Face Head
2. Sketchy
1. Leprechaun

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Flight from San Francisco, CA to Sacramento, CA

Flight from San Francisco, CA to Sacramento, CA

Someone has filled in the crossword in my issue of my in-flight magazine. Either they have some deep, innate need to prove their intelligence to anonymous strangers or they take perverse pleasure in ruining fun had by others. My only reaction can be described as Number 14 Across – “a seven-letter word for angry:” furious.

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The Top Places to Fall Down and Stay Down

The Top Places to Fall Down and Stay Down

The Top Places to Fall Down and Stay Down
5. Skydiving.
4. South American soccer game.
3. Pamplona.
2. In a swarm of locusts.
1. War reenactments.

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Lake Havasu Dunes Resort

Lake Havasu Dunes Resort

There must be something in the water here, but the Lake Havasu Dunes pillow mints are top notch. I’ve ordered three cases for my home. The beds in Lake Havasu hotels were all very sandy. My clothes were sandy too. The neighborhood kids must keep pranking me when I go out for my morning dig.

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